Law enforcement experts have issued a warning to Thanksgiving revelers about the potential danger of pot laced sweet potatoes, and how to spot them.
This Thanksgiving you had better be careful, says a public report issued by national law enforcement experts. You just never know if your aunt Carole might have snuck marijuana candied yams into the feast.
As more older people are increasingly using marijuana, it is not the kids you have to worry about these days. In fact, it’s the younger people who are most at risk for unknowingly consuming holiday dishes prepared with marijuana, says Harry Doyle of the National Policing Institute.
“As the increasingly reckless behavior of cannabis consumption continues to rise for people in their fifties and sixties, it is often the younger generation that is finding it more sensible to abstain from drug use. With the hippies rediscovering their youthful lust for intoxicants, we have every reason to believe they may be attempting to expose the youth to their wicked weed.”
Doyle also said he would not be surprised to find out about LSD-laced jello, ecstasy tainted deviled eggs or green bean casserole filled with the psychosis inducing magic mushrooms.
“Thanksgiving is the perfect time for the frustrated losers who failed to change the world in the sixties to poison their families for political purposes. The tradition of arguing about politics around the dinner table could soon escalate into tripping your family out to brainwash them with liberal drug agendas.”
Samantha VanDerWaalt of the National Forensic Academy says the most important thing is to know what you are looking for.
“The odor of marijuana follows it into everything it goes into, so the smell test is the first place to start. From there look for unusual green or greenish brown discoloration. Also most drug-laced foods are generally shinier than their counterparts. If in doubt, skip the dish altogether.”
Should you accidentally ingest some of your uncle Barry’s Famous Sativa Stuffing, don’t freak out. Just ride it out and when you are sober you can call the police and have the bastard locked up so he can’t ruin Christmas, too.
Or better yet, tell your family you are now a gluten-free vegan and stick to the relish tray, cause they can’t spike the celery.
Just pulling your leg, turkeys. 😉