There is nothing like an encounter with cops to wring the joy, beauty and peace out of the world while you are on psychedelics.
About five or six years ago I began to experiment with ecstasy, when for the first time it became regularly available to me. Even in my younger years when drugs seemed to be coming at me from every direction, I just never crossed paths with this particular substance much. However when I did get a chance to familiarize myself with it, I immediately recognized it’s value.
Ecstasy is therapeutic. And the reason isn’t complicated, it is right there in the name. When your body and mind reach a state of harmonious bliss, you are able to escape the momentum of your life. All of the anxiety and pain of living come to a screeching halt while the drug whispers sweet nothings into every nerve in your body. And so afterwards you get a fresh start. There will be more pain and anxiety to come, but they will be fresh accumulations, not the mass grave of existential angst we carry with us through most of our days.
During this time it was doing wonders for me. It helped me gain new perspective, both on the world and on myself. And it helped me to overcome some dogmatic thinking and fatalism, and replace them with values and goals that would help me from falling back into those traps as easily or for as long as I had.
One summer night I took a pill and watched a Reggie Watts special on Netflix. Reggie Watts is a fucking saint. His blend of music, comedy, stream-of-consciousness and unique performance are artistic masterpieces. Experiencing that made me feel inspired. If such truth and beauty could be expressed by humanity through creativity, I thought, the world must be a marvelous place indeed.
I was high on humanity as much as the drugs. And so in that spirit I decided to go outside and find something else beautiful to admire. The place that I lived was in a fairly lively neighborhood, so there were people out walking and talking. I sat watching and listening to them and alternately gazing into the night sky and being enraptured by the sound of the gentle flow of wind through the trees. Marvelous.
Then, because it was a lively neighborhood, the police made one of their regular slow creeps down the street. At once all of the beauty and truth just vanished. Sitting out in my yard late at night was something police would think was suspicious, and if I didn’t get back inside things could turn ugly for me.
Just like that all of the joy was sucked from me. I tried to get my mood back up, but realizing that police could put me in jail (or worse, much worse) just for feeling that good about myself and the world I lived in was a dark cloud I couldn’t entirely escape the rest of the night.
Now I realize that I probably would have been okay had I stayed sitting there. They probably would have stopped, asked me a question or two and then moved on, since I was in my own yard. And I think I realized that even then. But that there was any chance that such a great thing could be turned into such a nightmare because of the predatory nature of police was a real comedown.
I spent the rest of the night considering how much of life is ruined by these systems of authority. My neighborhood had one of the highest crimes rates in the entire county, but sitting in my lawn late at night I was not worried about my neighbors. They were all just powerless people like me, and sometimes a few of them acted out, but that probably had more to do with the authoritarian system than it did with who those people really were inside.
I felt no such comforting understanding about the police. Not that I harbored ill will towards the individuals, but that system was clearly what made life so rotten and awful. Knowing that terrible things can and will happen is one thing. Knowing they will because we specifically assign people to do them is entirely another. And that was a heavy fucking bummer.
Clearly they do not want us happy and healthy. They do not want us to cleanse ourselves of the baggage of living. They want us buried in it, desperate, cowering in fear so that we will submit to them without question. They want us broken, sad and obedient.
And so most people live out their days clutching their harnesses, just trying to make it to the end in one piece, never able to enjoy the ride they are on. So browbeaten and hopeless they are that most of them become fanatic supporters of the system that stands between themselves and a cure.
The War On Drugs is not a war to protect us. It is a war against us. It is psychological terrorism that reduces us to cowering animals begging for petty permissions from the brutal agendas of the ruling class and the law enforcers who do their front line dirty work.
Expanding your mind IS an act of rebellion. It opens you to new perspectives and understandings. It inspires contentment and creativity. And a human being who is no longer afraid and feeling trapped is the greatest threat to the systems of authority that profit from our fear and dependence.